The Next Step
by Carrie6
Summary: Aftermath of the 118 episode (3x12 - Crossings)
1. Chapter 1

There were no words to describe how she felt at that moment. Physically, she was wrapped tightly in her father's embrace, but her mind was back in the cell, lips pressed to Vaughn's in a way she thought she'd never feel again. She shook as she cried against the stiff fabric of her father's suit. She cried to be home, she cried for her life, she cried for Vaughn. 

Her world paused as he walked toward _her._ His wife. Even after six months that word still felt like poison. Their arms wrapped around each other and she could feel the bile bubbling in her throat. She tore away from her father and swiftly walked to the restroom, barely making it into the stall before the contents of her stomach were emptied into the toilet. Leaning back onto her heels, she pushed her back against the cool steel of the door and allowed her head to fall to her chest. 

Her thoughts were scrambled and swirled around in her head, running away from her as she tried to make sense of them. Not even twelve hours ago, she'd been sitting, beaten and broken, in a jail cell thousands of miles away.  She had been preparing herself for death, and although she'd never been more terrified in her life, she had also never been so at peace. In those final moments, the world consisted only of she and Vaughn and the love they shared.  Knowing that they would soon be away from the horrors of their world and free to love made the experience they were about to enter one of liberation rather than destruction.

_"There is only one person…" _he had said._  "We'll find each other, we always find each other."_ She reassured him. And she had meant it. The dramatics of the situation were almost too much for her to handle. Tears fell from her eyes as she realized the morbid truth that the only way they would ever be together again would be in death.

Taking shuttering deep breaths, she prepared herself to leave the bathroom. She would go home. She would shower and sleep and wake up in the morning and go on with her life. She had to. She needed to move on. 

_"I want you to know that I'm moving on. If it helps…"_

The truth was that she wasn't moving on. Will was just a distraction. She wouldn't say that she had used him, but in a way, she had. It had been so long since she had felt wanted, and even if it wasn't by the person she wanted it to be.

Slowly, she rose, dusting off her pants and taking one final, deep breath before exiting the stall. She opened the door and stepped out, only to be stopped in her tracks. Her breath hitched.

"Hi, Lauren."


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi, Lauren," Sydney said, startled.

"Are you alright?" Lauren asked with a tone Sydney could not quite place.

"Yeah. . ." Sydney replied, "I mean, yes, I'm fine. Just a little shaky still I guess."

Lauren nodded. "Right, well, I just wanted to say goodbye to you before the weekend. Michael and I are about to leave." Lauren paused. "I also just wanted to say thank you. . .for bringing Michael home safely. I know this situation is ridiculous, but somehow I felt reassured knowing that you were out there with him."

"Well, you're welcome, I guess," Sydney answered, making her way towards the door. This conversation was starting to make her uncomfortable. Talking to the wife of the man she loved, and had kissed just a short time ago, was not high on her list of fun activities. She was stopped, however, by a hand on her shoulder.

"How did you make it out?" Lauren questioned. 

The question surprised Sydney. "Can't you ask Vaughn about that?"

Lauren turned away. "He doesn't like to tell me about his missions. I think he's trying to protect me."

"Oh, well then. . ." Sydney didn't know what to say. "I really think you should talk to him about it." Sydney repeated, trying again to walk away. Lauren's arm shot out in front of her, however the forceful action did not match the expression on her face.

"Please, Sydney. Tell me what happened. Tell me how you got out." Lauren pleaded.

Sydney relented. "We weren't held for very long. When we were taken outside, we were sure that we were going to be killed, but one of the guards turned out to be on our side and helped us escape," Sydney said briefly, hoping that would satisfy Lauren's curiosity.

Lauren nodded. "The guard was a Korean?" Sydney nodded. "Who was he working for?"

Sydney was starting to feel claustrophobic. Between the close proximity of Lauren and her line of questioning, she was getting a very bad vibe. "I think he was a contact of my father's." Sydney replied.

"I see. Well I'll have to thank him then." Lauren commented absently. Snapping back into the present, the glazed look in her eyes disappeared and was replaced with her normal cheerfulness. "Well, then, I guess I should be going."

"Yeah, me too." Sydney agreed, walking out of the bathroom with Lauren behind her. Spotting Vaughn across the room, she moved away from him, towards her desk. "Have a good weekend," She called over her shoulder. 

Lauren nodded back at her, "you too," and moved towards Vaughn. She wrapped her arm around his and looked up at him sweetly. "Ready?" she asked.

"Yeah," he replied, as they started walking towards the door. As they past Sydney's desk, she turned around and met eyes with Vaughn. The world slowed as they read each other's eyes, and the sadness that Sydney saw in Vaughn's was hopeful and heartbreaking at the same time. Knowing that he wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him was almost harder than forcing herself to believe that he had moved on and felt nothing towards her.  She tore her eyes from Vaughn's, telling herself it was for the best, and gathered her things to go home.  She looked around the office and mentally said goodbye to it. She had made a decision. _She _would be the one to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

Vaughn's heart ached as he locked eyes with Sydney on his way out.  He couldn't help but feel as if the woman on his arm were an anvil, weighing him down, rather than the person he was supposed to spend all eternity with. He loved Lauren, he really did. But she wasn't Sydney. Sydney was the love of his life. She was that one person that validated his entire reason for living. 

He paused on that thought as he entered the car. Twelve hours ago, he thought his death was mere seconds away. He was _sure_ that he would not live to see another day, and in his final moments, the only thing he could think of was Sydney, and how this was his last chance to tell her how he really felt. To make sure that she _knew_, without a shadow of a doubt, that he had never stopped loving her. 

It wasn't right. It was not right that the only way he would ever truly be with the woman he loved was in death. _Morbid, _he thought.

            The car ride was silent, Vaughn too lost in his thoughts to notice that Lauren was also preoccupied. The arrived home and went through their normal routine: hung up their coats, placed the keys on the front table, checked the messages. This routine, which to Vaughn used to feel comforting, now felt suffocating, like something he was forced to do. Lauren walked into the kitchen as Vaughn continued to stare at the keys he had just put on the table. 

            Noticing his odd behavior, Lauren called to him "Are you alright."

            Vaughn snapped out of his daze. "Fine," he said shortly, before walking into the bedroom, undoing his tie. Lauren followed him, and wrapped her arms around his back. To him, they felt like fire.

            "I'm so glad you're home." She said sweetly.

            Vaughn turned around, accepting his life and replied, "Me too." He looked at her. _I can do this._ He said to himself. He had to deny his feeling for Sydney. He made a promise to Lauren and he would not break it. Nowhere in his wedding vows did it say, "Through sickness and in health, unless the real love of your life should come back from the dead." He was resolved. "Let's go to bed." He said, smiling slightly at Lauren. She nodded and moved into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

            As Vaughn lay in bed, feigning sleep and thinking about the mess his life had become, he felt Lauren shift beside him and slide out of bed. Figuring she was just going to the bathroom, he remained still, not wanting to talk about why he was still awake. However, Lauren did not head into the bathroom, but out into the living room. A strange feeling came over Vaughn and something possessed him not to move. He listened to Lauren's actions in the living room carefully. He heard phone keys and Lauren moved into the kitchen. He heard her whispering, but could not make out her words. The call was quick, and she came back into the bedroom, sliding beneath the covers. Vaughn quickly tried to even his breath, wondering what the hell was going on. He rolled onto his side, away from Lauren. There was no way he would sleep tonight. 


End file.
